Epistle to a son

Dear Son

I am always reluctant to tell people how they should live their lives.  If I’m asked…I usually respond with a question…well, what do you think?

I realized today that you might actually need and want some direction from me.

So, these are my thoughts and suggestions.

  • You thrive with structure. I recommend you stay and finish college. PLAN ON YOUR SUCCESS.  Talk to F***. Talk to me…if you want. Whatever you do…DON’T GO IN THE MILITARY!! That would be a BIG mistake.

  • You are learning to be a conscientious student.   You can’t do anything about the past. Be in the now…fully.  Make the commitment to NOW and stop beating yourself up. Because…it’s a complete waste of mental and physical energy.

  • Stop blaming and hating everyone who does things you don’t like.  Most people aren’t assholes. They’re just like you…with faults and delights.  Plus, you’ll NEVER get everyone to agree with you anyway. AND, it is just tedious to be around someone who is frequently negative, angry and not GRATEFUL for what is good in life.

  • Speaking of GRATEFUL…feel more of it in your heart.  Feeling real tears of gratitude helps me combat the blues.  If nothing else…I remember how many people LOVE and admire me.  You have many admirers both near and far. When you express your love and appreciation it melts the anger and negativity in your own heart.

  • Your mood.  Iritibility.  IT’S JUST SHITTY CHEMISTRY.  You don’t have to just put up with it.

  • Make some money.  You always are more cheerful when you are earning.

  • If you’re sitting on the couch in the daytime…STOP.  Volunteer, drive for a few hours, go to the library and study or listen to a book for fun.  Get out of the house. Take the dogs out for a run. Whatever…get moving.

You can’t do anything about any of the “mistakes” you’ve made in the past.  Maybe they weren’t even mistakes but just difficult ways to learn about what doesn’t work.  In any case…focus on NOW. Not the future. Not what are you going to do with the rest of your life.  Just NOW. One foot in front of the other. The homework that’s due on Monday. The chapter you need to read.  The guitar lesson you need to practice. And…Take time just to be.

Finally, this is not a self-improvement program.  You were made 100% terrific. The challenge is to clear away the clouds of doubt, distraction, anger, etc. so that you can see the “blue sky” that is YOU…always present, always available.  Whatever you are doing…the journey is always about self-discovery and self-acceptance.

My final nugget of “wisdom” – Do the very best you can with consciousness and intention.  Have compassion for yourself and others. Forgive. Let go of resentment. Be motivated by what is best for you… not what others may want from you.  Listen for your calling and then…give it your best, heart-felt effort.

Other people have cared enough to say some of these things to me through the years.  Doing any of the above will NEVER result in perfection. I’m still learning. I’m still working on it.  And I will NEVER EVER get it completely right.

I hope you will hear what I’ve said as coming from the very best intentions and deep love for you.

I love you!  No matter what, I always see your “blue sky”.


Bryan Voliton